Is it really possible?
Thoughts of happiness (and the lack of) seem to be engulfing my
mind lately. Not only am I trying to recall happy moments from our family
summer trip (visit bloggingeasterncanada.blogspot.ca), but I’m exploring the
happiness in my everyday life.
So, I’ve noticed my mood
hasn’t been what I would like it to be. And honestly, I’ve always been a “glass
half empty” girl. I work really (really) hard at appreciating what I have, but,
honestly, it’s hard not to notice that things could be better. Why settle for
half empty when you could have the whole thing?
But I’ve always bought into
the idea of empowerment. We talk about empowering our children in Positive
Discipline. We’ve all heard the phrases, “don’t be a victim”, “take control of
your life”. But .... and here’s the big BUT....happiness and unhappiness are
catching.
You know the daily drill....child wakes up crying, older kids
don’t want to get out of bed, they’re SO TIRED! Kate can’t find her
paper....that paper that was on the table last week! Someone must have taken
it! There’s nothing to eat....there’s nothing to put in the kids lunch....at
least that’s what the kids say....they’re all TIRED and oh, John doesn’t want
to go to school....he’s sick....really, he’s sick and Jane is still
crying...now louder because no one is paying attention to her....Kate stomps
off shouting, “I hate you!” and that’s just the morning.
How did I create that tornado? Really, I don’t want to take
ownership for that. I keep wondering how my days can possibly be happier if I
have to put up with THEM? But all
of that (apparently) is normal. Data collected by John and Julie Gottmann of
the Gottman Institute in Seattle reveals that having children (statistically)
causes depression....I’m just a statistic. I’m doomed.
Research also says that family members affect each other’s
happiness. I’m doomed….how can I find happiness when everyone is pouring their
negativity on me? Happiness and unhappiness are catching. You can tell yourself
you’re not going to get sick, but if someone with a horrible cold sneezes in
your face....aren’t you going to get sick?
If you’re immersed in a clan of unhappy people, you will catch
it....unhappiness. But I can’t give up…..I can’t be doomed(yes, I realize my
article is full of contradictions!)
How do we find happiness at home? The two major thoughts my mind
struggles with:
· Happiness and Unhappiness are catching.
· Fake it until you make it. That also applies to
happiness.
Happiness and Unhappiness are Catching
Haven’t I already covered that? My children, walking around (moping
around) with issues and complaints (and most of them aren’t even teenagers yet), (my children) download their negatively on me everyday. How do I fight that?
Statistically, I’m doomed! But Happiness is also catching (I won’t mention that
as Gretchen Rubin writes in Happier at Home, “negative emotions are more catching
than positive emotions, and persist longer, and one grouch can drag down an
entire group very quickly.” I did not write that, I did not say that…you did
not read it).
My biggest truth about parenting is that if children engage in an
activity or mood that you dislike, look at yourself…. How are you portraying
that behaviour? (Katie Byron does a great job of explaining this in her book,
Loving What Is). Children learn through example…. What kind of example have I
demonstrated? Ugh…the truth hurts.
But it’s so hard to rise above that…..
Parenting is hard!
And here comes that second thought: Fake it until you make it.
Fake it (Happiness) until you make it (Happiness)
Take responsibility for the energy you bring into a room because
children can’t. They’re too young to assume that responsibility….until you
model this concept for them. I’m still struggling with this one….and my guess
is, I’ll keep struggling….. And I
am hoping that the more I fake it, the more I’ll make it.
Yes, we alone are responsible for shaping our own lives, we create
our worlds, we need to take ownership of our lives , stop blaming others….
But I know that’s not enough….. There is more to this whole faking
it…..especially, when you’re raising children. Children know when you’re not sincere,
so how is this faking it going to work? Time to throw in the towel? Or time to
remind myself that YES, parenting is hard! And difficulties create great
learning opportunities.
So I don’t know how you will find happiness in your own home. I
like to think of happiness as a state of mind….and I can always change my
mind….so when unhappiness enters, well, its time for a change.
Maybe happiness just lies in the pursuit of happiness. And the
more you look for it, the more you’ll find it. I was in Zing Paperie and
Design, at The Village in Park Royal yesterday and picked up a book entitled,
Live Happy: Find the Joy That’s all Around you. Seriously? I thought. But I
looked all around me, at all the pretty things, and it was hard not to feel
just a little bit happy. A paragraph in the beginning of the book caught my
eye: “Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you can find your happy simply
by deciding to look for it, because there are always good things within reach.
Cultivate a habit of noticing them.” I like that; “find your happy”. I guess I
won’t find happiness if I don’t look for it. I get so busy; I forget to look.
Can I find happiness at home? Can you find happiness at home? Time to start
looking.